For Your Entertainment - The Adam Lambert Edition

Most of my readers know that I do not use this blog as a pulpit, except to trumpet my own successes. However, today I have been inspired by the recent Adam Lambert fiasco to say something on the topic.

When I came out as a proud gay man, I did so after much introspection and self-discovery. I thought about what my sexuality meant to me and what it meant to the people that I care about. I also thought about what my sexuality meant to my faith. I am still devoutly Catholic and my biggest hurdle to my current life was reconciling those two ideas. It was through much prayer that I realized God doesn't make mistakes and I am not called to the single life. More or less, I had to take an "agree to disagree" stance with my faith, which was very hard. VERY hard.
What has proven to be much easier is my ability to exist in the world as a gay man. I am blessed to have lived my life free of people who hate me for who or what I am. Even my ex-girlfriends have been understanding of the subterfuge that I used with them. All-in-all it has been a charmed life for me as a gay man. Until Adam Lambert.

If you haven't seen his performance on the American Music Awards from this past weekend, I suggest you Google search the video, as they keep getting put up and taken down at the blink of an eye. Here's some highlights: man-on-man tongue locking, simulated oral sex, and Adam Lambert's middle finger displayed to prime time television. The issue? His subsequent performance of Good Morning America has been canceled by ABC.

Adam Lambert, along with numerous outspoken (and public) homosexuals, is screaming "HOMOPHOBIA" like it's going out of style. Homophobia is Matthew Shepard getting hung on a fence to die, just because he was gay. Homophobia is being burned alive because you are gay. Homophobia is not a canceled performance due to poor choices.

Homosexuality is not a choice. I do not choose to be gay, instead, I know that I am gay. Part of being gay is taking the responsibility of not being another 'homo who cries "hate"'. I am disgusted, as a gay man, and as an American, that ANYONE who have the audacity to say Adam Lambert's only fault, for which he is being punished, is his status as a gay man. Furthermore, I reject the argument that a woman in the same position would be allowed to perform on Good Morning America.

If Christina Aguilera were to lay on her back and cram a male (or female) dancers face into her crotch, she would also have a serious PR problem. On top of that, imagine if Britney Spears, without warning to the network, decided to give the camera the middle finger during prime time on a Sunday. I don't think anybody should think she would go without punishment. I do not (and cannot) deny that people hate Adam Lambert because he is homosexual. That is something he will deal with his entire life, and so will I. Hell, we still can't get married in most of the United States. That could be classified as anti-gay. I shudder to think that outspoken (and oft-heard) gay men and women (I'm looking at you Perez Hilton. Shut up, already) are rallying behind a performer and raising him as a gay activist, when it is his vulgarity that is being punished. Vulgarity and homosexuality should not be the same concept and to classify Adam Lambert's canceled performance as anti-gay or homophobic is to equate these mutually exclusive ideas. I'm gay, I'm vulgar, but dammit, I am not one because of the other.

I challenge Adam Lambert to make the remainder of his performances focus on the music (which was SORELY lacking in his performance on Sunday) for which he rose to stardom. I'm pretty sure that this would be more "For [My] Entertainment" than offensive bullshit and wielding his status as 'gay' as a shield against punishment for actions. Don't be another 'mo who cries "HATE!" anytime something doesn't go your way, Adam Lambert. Be a man, albeit a gay one, who stands for something and is able and willing to be a good example to the world, not another self-serving queen who abuses gay rights in lieu of fighting for them.

Shame on you.

Definitions define things.

This week is already proving to be better than last. To begin with, I have already completed my homework for TWO classes and half of the homework for a THIRD class. I think I can say, with confidence, that my scheme to get ahead is finally starting to come to fruition. I feel that the path I am on will inevitably lead to happier times later this week, and less stress as I approach mid-terms, which are next week. WIN.

I have chosen this post to take a moment and explain the significance of the title of this blog. As many of my linguaphilic friends have considered, I'm sure, 'The Law and I' implies that we can accomplish physical tasks together. Obviously, that is preposterous.

Or is it?

The law is a person that I have recently decided to attach myself to. He/She/It gives me powers that I never knew I could wield. Now, I can turn a pinch into a felony; a fart into a tort; take a person breaking a promise for all they are worth. I am the master of my universe thanks to my new partner in crime (or law).

We are like Sonny and Cher (I, of course, am Cher), Batman and Robin (I am Batman, he has a bigger bulge), Mary-Kate and Ashley (Ashley, she eats slightly more). The world had better get ready for the Law and I because together we will move mountains. We will part seas. We will win petty sums of money for people who are too infantile to settle their own disputes. It will be a glorious relationship, between the Law and I, and the possibilities are endless.

I now include a list of other earth-shaking pairings, which are comparable to the Law and I:

- Moses and Aaron
- Abbot and Costello
- Thelma and Louise
- Abercrombie and Fitch
- Antony and Cleopatra
- Barnes and Noble
- Beauty and the Beast
- Nicole and Paris (See Above)
- Ben and Jerry
- Dharma and Greg
- Jon and Kate
- Jon and his new Trick
- Kate and her hair
- Meryl Streep and Oscar
- Brad and Angelina
- Godzilla and Mothra, may their love never die
- Peanut Butter and Jelly (TIME!)
- Mork and Mindy
- Mario and Luigi
- Goose and Maverick
- Nicholas Cage and all of his movies that I hate. Besides Gone in 60 Seconds in which case the Angelina Jolie factor trumps the Nicholas Cage screws my life factor.

The list obviously goes on and on from here but those are the most appropriate pairings that illustrate my relationship with the law (as well as all the pairings I could come up with in the time I took to write this blog post).

At the end of the day I curl up in the warm embrace of the Law and he rocks me to sleep amidst case briefs and statutes. Even though he sometimes sings me to sleep with songs of First Degree Rape and Felony-Murder, he is proving to be a worthy life partner.

"It has become the time of evening when people sit on their porches..." - James Agee

There comes a point every night of the week where my drive to study and work is overcome with my drive to do ANYTHING ELSE. I could do any activity besides study and be content. Yet, the only thing I need to do it study. I know I'm not revealing a deep secret of the human psyche here, but it remains an interesting phenomenon in my existence.

Things I would rather be doing:
- Sleeping
- Eating
- Watching TV
- Reading a book, non-law-related
- Reading my Google Reader
- Making cookies
- Composing an opera
- Fighting a dragon
- Expounding upon the mysteries of the relationship between Godzilla and Mothra, his secret lover (in my mind)
- Playing a video game
- Watching grass grow
- Getting a root canal
- Slamming my head against a wall
- Kenny G

And that is just a short list of alternatives to what I am supposed to be doing. Every week I concoct a marvelous scheme to be ahead for the week, allowing me to complete homework days in advance and affording me valuable free time, with which to dick around.

I have yet to execute aforementioned schemes.

My goal for the rest of this week shall be to actually finish my homework prior to the day that it is due. Let's see how that goes, shall we?

On a sadder note, tomorrow is Wednesday. We all know what that means. If I don't blog again for over a week, I have crawled into a bottle of scotch in an attempt to forget what a Tort is and furthermore to never 'introduce' myself to law again.

EVER.

BITCHES.